are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
