Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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