Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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