This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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