I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
