What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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