I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
