Sry I called you an 8
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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