Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
