Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
