Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
