He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
