i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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