sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
