The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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