guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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