so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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