Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize