11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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