So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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