I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
