I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
