I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
