Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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