false alarm. still invincible.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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