I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
"it" just moved
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
