just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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