I heard we made out
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
