she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize