i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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