One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
