It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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