You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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