I need help removing her.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
