So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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