he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
