No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
