see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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