It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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