I just saw a hot homeless man
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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