somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Come share oat with me in your robe
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
