so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
