He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
