I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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