Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
