The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
