i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
