when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think I sprained my soul last night
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
