I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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