So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
