I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
