At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
