he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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