he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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