im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Panties = found
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
