He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
